So maybe I am approaching blogging all wrong. I tend to open up my dashboard and think, "I really should update my blog. Hmm, what should I write about . . . ?" Then I don't come up with anything, big surprise. I should do this like I did on the mission when the all-important phone calls home were coming up. I would start listing in my planner things that I thought might be interesting enough to keep my family's attention. Then when the time came I had something to say so as to not waste any time when the conversation lagged. Maybe a little planning could be good for this sad little blog.

It is 2:00 am. I am not in bed. I do not feel tired. But I have caught up on friends' blogs and added some ratings to my long neglected goodreads account. I have memorized the first 25 digits of pi (Melanie, I think I may be the only one investing in this contest - but what else is there to do in the middle of the night?) and will add more by Saturday night. This is the exciting life of an insomniac. You are all so lucky, happily dreaming the night away.

Last night I was shopping with Allison and we wandered into the furniture section of Macy's. We walked by a cute little couch and what do you know? I bought it. Yep. I bought a couch. It shouldn't be a big deal, right? It's just a piece of furniture (and I got a very good deal so it didn't even stretch my wallet too much). And it is, after all, an age appropriate purchase.

However, it feels somehow monumental. Choosing to buy that couch felt like choosing to accept adulthood with all it's trappings. Accepting not only my age, but my place in life. It is a little piece of domesticity.

It felt good to buy it. It goes well with my fresh outlook on life. I am aiming for an attitude of optimism and cheerfulness. Now I am a woman who owns a couch. I just need a place to put it. Maybe I will start by figuring out with some certitude where I'm going to live.

This is the purse that I didn't buy. I was tempted, sorely tempted. I almost bought it Thursday morning before work but decided that half-asleep at 6:00 a.m. was not the right time for an impulse buy. The thing is I have been wanting a new purse for so long and this one is so big and loud and a little bit crazy - it's perfect for me. Maybe I should learn to sew and make my own. Maybe one day soon I will break down and you will see me with this purse after all. But for now I remain resolute, and without a new bit of sunshine in my drab world.

Cheerfulness Taught by Reason

I think we are too ready with complaint

In this fair world of God's. Had we no hope

Indeed beyond the zenith and the slope

Of yon gray blank of sky, we might grow faint

To muse upon eternity's constraint

Round our aspirant souls; but since the scope

Must widen early, is it well to droop,

For a few days consumed in loss and taint?

O pusillanimous Heart, be comforted

And, like a cheerful traveller, take the road,

Singing beside the hedge. What if the bread

Be bitter in thine inn, and thou unshod

To meet the flints? At least it may be said

'Because the way is short, I thank thee, God.'

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

So how do you get blisters on the arches of your feet anyway? Through years of running and miles of walking on the mission, I have never had blisters in such a strange place. But four miles on the treadmill with shoes that apparently don't fit right will do it. Arrgh, why do new year's resolutions have to be so painful?

I think that I only get really, embarrassingly lost when there are other people in the car with me. Or maybe I'm not embarrassed when I'm alone and so I don't stress and it doesn't seem as bad. Either way I got lost today in Lancaster. I was right downtown and couldn't find my way home. It was horrible. Mind you, this was after getting lost on the way to the movie theater. I was quite flustered and missing mom and dad's GPS. It is amazing how much one little piece of equipment can give you confidence. When I have it I hardly need it.

It is a new year. I wonder what this year will hold? Maybe I can find my way.